My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm really busy with my period
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