I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
