Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Randomize
