Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
