Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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