He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
