i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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