whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
