you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
