If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
