thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
