I cannot find my penis.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
