I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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