some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize