My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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