I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
