It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
