also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
