i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The power of my boobs compel you
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
