Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
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