i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize