Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
