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Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
