I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
