I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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