If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
