You're completely useless in the revolution.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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