I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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