So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
