Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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