dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
