i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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