Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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