My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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