I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
