I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
