His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
