just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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