new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
