he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
