In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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