I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My bed smells like the plague
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
