did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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