Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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