U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
