Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize