She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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