So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize