Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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