I am spending my child support on dildos
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
