And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
