You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
