Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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