Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh god it's open bar.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
