told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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