I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
