just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
