there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We are two peas in an std pod
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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