Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
