pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize