Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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