remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
