we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
