I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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