I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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