I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
