so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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