i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
