I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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