i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
