im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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