Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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