yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
