i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she told me i tasted like america
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
