umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
