I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
