dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
