a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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